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Tips to Keep Your Carpool Running Smoothly
Sep 02 2008 by Sara Lacey
9/02/08
Keep the Carpool Chit-Chat to a Minimum in the Mornings
So you’re about to join a school carpool for the first time, huh? MotherProof.com is here to help, and you should listen — you don’t want to commit a carpool crime that’ll get you blacklisted. I’ve also enlisted my friend (and eight-year carpool veteran) Jeni to provide some tips to ensure a happy, productive ‘pool.
Before You Start Driving
You might say, “I really like Suzy So-And-So and her kids. She only lives six miles away, maybe we can carpool.” Don’t do it. She will loathe you and your six-mile-away house after a week of ‘pooling.
Likewise, nothing says “I don’t give a rip about you” more than not carpooling with a neighbor in order to carpool with someone who lives SIX MILES AWAY.
Have a sit-down with your kids about being safe in the car. Let the other mom-carpoolers know that you’ve had a conversation with your kid(s) to establish safe behavior. And this part, friends, might be the hardest for you: Give the other mom-carpoolers permission to set rules and enforce them.
The Morning of Pickup
If your children are being picked up, have them ready before the parent who’s driving gets to your house. (I know this is impossible, but try your best.)
Don’t chit-chat with the other mom. Remember, it’s all business in the morning. There’s nothing worse than being stressed out about getting the kids to school on time in the morning. You can catch up in the afternoon after drop-off.
Once you get to the carpool lane at school, don’t get out of your car and chat with the mom four cars behind you: This stresses everybody out. If you want to chat, park your car in the lot — then you can talk all you want.
Don’t get out of the car to “help” your carpool captain; she (or he) knows what she (or he) is doing. If your child — or a child in your carpool care — can’t get into or out of the car without your help, don’t use the school’s carpool lane. Park and walk, my friend. Park and walk.
Do be openly gracious to your carpool captains: They’re out there every day making sure your children don’t play in traffic, get into the wrong car or otherwise put themselves in harm’s way. A great way to say thanks is to bring them hot cocoa on a cold day, or maybe a lemonade on a hot day.
Afternoon Drop-Off
The kids who get dropped off at their home first should sit closest to the car’s doors. That makes it easier for them to get out.
Now is the time to catch up on all the adult gossip you missed in the morning, then pat yourself on the back for another day of safe carpooling!
Do you have any tips or pet peeves about carpooling? Share them in the comments section below.
User Comments
What happens if you get cut? Our carpool just dumped us (as a single parent, the kids are with their dad half the time, which isn’t conducive to carpooling). What do other single 50/50 parents do?
Forget the hot cocoa - bring me a triple grande, non-fat, two pump, sugar free vanilla latte, at a perfect 140 degrees - that job really stinks. Seriously though, I think one of the hardest things about car pooling is finding the right mix of personalities that also have logistical compatibility. Good luck Chief Mama, orchestrating a carpool with added “issues” is a huge challenge. I wish I had some advice.
“And this part, friends, might be the hardest for you: Give the other mom-carpoolers permission to set rules and enforce them.”
Not sure I agree with the advise above. Let’s say they think it’s a-okay to put two children in one seatbelt; or just fine to put the “extra” 8-year-old up front?
I’d want to make sure we all agreed on some pretty basic safety stuff up front.
We were in a car pool until the kids told us the Mom let her teenage son drive the car sometimes. (with her in it; but who would have ever guessed!!) We only found out about this when they told us how scary it was when he ran up the curb!!
Yikes.
How about being as courteous as possible to the other carpool parents. Your time is no more important than ours. If 5 of us have been waiting in line & you just drove up, don’t fly around us in the left lane & then expect to cut in. Very rude! Also, pull all the way up to drop your kids off. Don’t stop in front of the door and leave the rest of us waiting in the street. Read the rules that are sent home by the school if you don’t know common courtesy on your own.
Nice one, Amy! I agree.
Good point Janette, I hadn’t thought of those kinds of situations. I meant that in my case, I don’t allow screaming, screeching, or other crazy behavior in the car. I have let other moms know that, and they in turn have let me know that it’s okay for me to do what I need to do to have a safe driving situation. So maybe you should confer with the other carpoolers and make sure you all agree on what “safe” means.
I am in a carpool with three moms. My home is the central morning drop-off/ switch point. Each week, one of the moms and I switch schools, since we each have a child in one of the schools and it is too tight time-wise for one person to get the kids to both schools in the morning. The third mom, who has one child in a school with both me and the other mom and another child in a third school with the other mom, is supposed to take the older kids and the youngest kids on Tuesdays and Wednesdays each week—affording me and the other mom at least one morning when we don’t have to take any kids to school. THE PROBLEM IS THAT She is always running late or can’t seem to make it and sometimes doesn’t call until 7:45. She manages to drop her kid off on the other days. The other morning, when she was supposed to pick up the older kids —and give the other mom a chance to just drop the kids at my house and go straight home to have a little more free time—she called me in the car at 7:45 to say she wasn’t going to make it. The other mom was waiting at my house with the older and younger kids and had left her phone in the car. I scrambled to call home and told my husband to tell the other mother to just leave. The same thing happened the next day. I am annoyed and feel used. Am I being petty here? What is carpool etiquette? Anyone had any experience with this? I like the other mom. But she has a history of taking advantage. I don’t need to carpool with her but the other mom does because they both have kids in a third school. But I am feeling annoyed and used.
MIchelle, that’s a tough situation and brings up a great question: How do you get out of a carpool that just isn’t working? If it were me, I’d speak to the mom in question so that she understands how her actions are making you feel. Maybe she needs to make other arrangements on those days. Definitely, you don’t need to be responsible for communications between the other two moms. Perhaps the three of you could sit down for coffee and work out some rules.
Anyone else have any thoughts?
Hi Michelle, I agree with Lori. You could employ a three-strikes rule (or just one or two) for the whole group, which gives her an opportunity to correct her behavior. That way, if she doesn’t, everyone’s on board with kicking her out, including her.
Whenever a carpool “breakup” happens, it’s bound to be awkward, but when she’s had a chance to shape up and she doesn’t, you can rest a little easier knowing you gave her a fair shot.
I’m SO guilty of not having them ready to go thing. My bad!