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Moms Institute New Rules for Cars
Nov 11 2008 by Lori Hindman
In honor of the recent historic presidential election, we at MotherProof.com offer the Mom’s Car Manifesto.
We, the under-rested, underappreciated and ever-present providers of snacks and crayons, hereby declare these inalienable truths to those yet to reach 4 feet in height: These are OUR cars, and we are the SUPREME RULERS of them. Each mom is granted the pursuit of peace, quiet and caffeine; direction and speed of travel, ultimate destination and choice of soundtrack is ours to determine.
Too long have we been oppressed beneath the yoke of your dropped sippy cups and Raffi CDs; too long have we driven in countless circles around the block just to bring about your blessed repose. Your dictatorial reign of crushed graham crackers and sticky lollipop sticks must cease. You might be determined to maintain your ownership of our vehicles but to you we say, NO MORE! Your screams of “THAT’S NOT FAIR” will no longer win you favors in the form of Happy Meals. Your flailing feet against the back of our seats will no longer lead to a stop at a playground. Nay! We the bringers forth of life demand our due; we’re strong, and we’re bigger than you.
In this new dispensation of power, the following laws are enacted:
1. You will buckle your own seat belt. Yes, you can, I know you can. I know this because every time you say you can’t buckle it and I get out of my seat to help, you buckle it before I can get to you.
2. Food will be contained and consumed without spillage or crushing into the carpet. When you’re through, you’ll be able to hold onto your own trash or put it in an appropriate place. We’re no longer your trash cans.
3. You will remove all of your belongings from our cars when you exit said car. That goes for shoes, socks, toys and empty juice boxes. The car is not your trash can, either.
4. No one may utter the phrase, “Are we there yet?” Clearly, we aren’t there yet. If we were there yet, the car would have stopped and we’d have told you to unbuckle your seat belt. The same goes for the phrase, “How much longer?” As long as it takes, my friend.
5. No one may fight over the choice of entertainment in the backseat. Rather, all will exhibit gratitude for any entertainment that’s offered. If none is offered, you’re the entertainment; start singing.
