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Story Archive: Car Reviews
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suvs-two-rows
It seems unfair that one should have to drive a “normal” car immediately after driving a fast racecar around a track at 100mph. And so it was last week when I had to go from Speed Racer mode to mom mode in the Outlander SE.
We’ve all seen the bumper stickers: It’s a Jeep thing. You wouldn’t understand. Well, I admit, I don’t understand. I don’t understand why anyone would choose to put themselves through the misery of transporting children in this car if they did not absolutely have to.
My worst vehicular pet peeve is when someone you typically consider a friend or loved one annoyingly transforms into a backseat driver. I had one the first time I drove an ML, but turns out, once he was gone, I quickly became one with this SUV.
The Volkswagen Touareg 2 had me deep in funkytown. I appreciate its high safety marks, and as any dancing queen will tell you, this boogie-machine’s style is right on. Somehow, though, it left me wanting more. Hmmmm, sounds a lot like disco, doesn’t it?
Have you ever wondered what it’s like to drive a box? Wonder no more, my friends — just take a Dodge Nitro out for a test drive. I spent two weeks in the 2007 Nitro and can say with certainty that this is what it would feel like to be boxed up and shipped overnight.
The LR2’s sense of style is modern, not classic. It has a Euro unfamiliarity that gives me the same vibe as some European shoes: They look great in Paris, but are just plain weird in Omaha.
The thing I remember most about my grandma was her sofa: Gold velour with a hateful green and blue floral pattern on it, made even worse by the fact that the entire thing was covered in plastic. Well, driving the Escape Hybrid was much like trying to Flintstone Grandma’s plastic sofa up to speed on the highway.
Driving the 2007 Lincoln MKX is almost as good as going to the spa. In fact, I think I’ll need a few more weeks in this crossover to uncover its flaws. Lincoln, can you send it back? I need a mud mask. I mean, a deep-tissue massage. I mean, well … you get it.
The 2007 Subaru Forester reminds me of the Turbo Hoover of the ‘70s. After driving it, I now know what it would have been like to be a dust mite riding atop that spastic vacuum, as the two beasts have more in common than a Cyclops-looking front end.
When my neighbor saw me in the Toyota Tundra, he waved and laughingly shouted, “You manly girl.” It made me wonder: Am I woman enough to drive this man-beast, or am I bound to question my femininity as I barrel down the street in such an uproarious brute?
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